Where I chose to fall

Day 2 of the "Swine-Flu Week" is just about over and sadly enough, It's not the holiday that I had wished it to be.

I had planed to just veg out, talk to some friends, and work on catching up on school work. And sadly I've done all of these, yet, I don't feel any enjoyment and/or satisfaction in them. Is it because of the problems of friends that I want to help solve but they either, won't tell me, or I never have the chance to work it out with them? Is it because I've been forced to get a job this summer and I hoped I wouldn't have to?

Rant for today: "Some say that people can be compared to trees, in the sense that a person is a tree, their relationships with people are the main branches, there choices with these people are the twigs, and at the end of it all, as the leaves, are the people itself. Sometimes you can let go of someone, and when we do, we can chose to either hurt the tree or to help it"

Maybe it's my realization on why my mood swings into the polar opposite of what it should be based on a situation.
For example; since the "her" incident, I was feeling really down and out of it. I was torn apart from my feeling of sorrow and never wanting to see her face again, not out of anger mind you, out of the pain of rejection and the depression of asking myself "Why? What happened? What went wrong?", and the promise that I made her that no matter what would happen between us I would always be her friend and always be there for her. After a few weeks of torture in coming to a decision, I eventually decided to chose the later. Now, I didn't chose this because I pushed myself into it, I choose to be her friend because she poured her heart out to me once again. How could I berate her and tear her apart like I had wanted to, when she did the very thing that I had hoped for in order to rip her heart to shreds, as I thought she had done to mine? I couldn't. Once again she had broken me, but this time I wasn't the one in pieces, she was and I was going to be fracking damned if I didn't build her back up again.

Based on what had happened previously part of me feels a "righteous anger" towards her, but then again, if I look back and also take a look at something that David says in my book...

"We're going to head into battle again soon. If you forget that while you're out there and through your power at others out of a sense of righteousness or because it conveniently suits your purposes, then you'll be nothing but a destroyer. And that's not what you are, are you?"

I won't be that destroyer. I will answer the timeless question of whether man is greater at building things, or destroying them. I will chose to build. I will give up my pride. I will chose to be all. I will chose to give my all.

I am Alan Freeman, friend, and this is where I chose to fall.

-This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Napsta