Monday, September 14, 2009

School is a time consuming monster

School has only been going for 3 weeks an I'm so sacked for time. Between that, band, theater, DECA and other activities I'm struggling to find time for me the de-bump. Ugh it seems that time is being consumed in way that I can't understand how it got that way in the first place, I would love to write more but I need to work on some homework and lines for Theater. I also need to either get over my latest crush or continue forward and pray to god that the next step can come, eh it's a fracking busy life without affection.

I'll post what's been happening when I have the time (ha that's a laugh)

Monday, August 31, 2009

Just saying I'm here

I don't have much time to talk so I'm just posting to say that I'm still alive lol, I'll talk more about School, theater, and other such things later. See ya

I'm so tired

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Last Day

Well in 12 hours I shall be at school......

Summer went so fast, even though I thought that band and work would never end, and no matter the amount of time I wished for time to slow down during the fun moments....sigh....even those will end eventually too....

Well I'm not going to post much tonight but I will say that I've been replaying some of my classic games, and the one that I'm on now is X-Wing, and old (so old it hurts my eyes to look at lol) flight simulation game that takes place in the StarWars Universe. I used to play it when I was 9 and I had all the mission memorized, and now I wish I had retained that part of my memory lol. It stays true to the nerdom of StarWars and also has a feature that can get annoying after your 5th pilot. When you crash your fighter you have 3 fates:
1. You eject and the Rebellion finds you, nurses you back to health, and you can replay the level
2. You eject and the Empire finds you, brings you to the flagship Executor, and you are tortured with no ability to be rescued.
3. You die.
I've gone through 3 pilots already, the first was killed, the second captured, and the third one is the most cautious pilot that ever existed lol.

Well I have an Empire to overthrow and some school stuff to get organized, laterz!
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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Back!

So I'm back, from outer space!

Well hello again to everyone, it's been to long which explains my text above (props to anyone who knows what that's from!)

I saw District 9 last friday, which I have to say even though it was spawned from the failure that was the Halo Movie, I enjoyed it immensely. That Friday was the last day of morning band too so that was even better! Well after band Joe, David, and Mark (I know! He actually was social this time!) all car pool in my car to the movie theater, but we have some time so I decide to head over to my house so I can check the tires, oil, radiator fluid, and the like because something felt off this morning when I was driving it. So it just so happens that when I turn onto 1518 (the road I live off of) the temp gauge goes up and doesn't climb down back to 200 (which is around were it should be on my vehicle) and when we pull into the driveway it begins to smoke.
So we push it in (I turned it off because I didn't want the engine to lock up and I have to buy a new car) and after discovering the radiator cracked (see I was right, something was up!) decide to take the green car. Well we get to the theater in about 20 minutes (which still gives up about 35 minutes before the movie starts) which you can fit the whole Dr. Horrible soundtrack in those 20 minutes, eh who knew? So we get there and we're all excited about the movie and I buy the tickets (as is my part whenever we go to the movies) and show the lady my I.D., along with everyone else, except David, who just realized "Oh, I need an I.D. to show I'm 17 don't I...."

*SIGH*

Fail

So we drive back to my place (cause he left his car keys in the vehicle that died on us), drive back to the school so he can get his truck drive to his house to get his I.D. Ugh. So we pick him up and drive over to Marks (who drove back to his place as well) where we proceed to scorn David at his failure at the theater as well as at the Flash Game he was trying to beat. Well after the first episode of "A Clone Apart" we head back over to the theater (while listening to In the Stone!) and proceed to play some Time Crisis 4 (which one screen had a horrible sensor problem) and then go to see the movie, which again was amazing.

That's all I have for now, I've got to clean around the house before I head over to band again.

This has been a Public Service Announcement brought to you by the Napsta

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Realities of Our World

I don't really feel like talking about my day tonight so I would like to share something that I've been thinking about recently for the last few days, please tell me what you think.

Conformity and the Path to Freedom
Our lives are often subject to a pattern of movement that is set in motion at birth. The human animal spends an inordinate amount of time in the mother's womb. When we are suddenly thrust out of that zone of comfort--where all our needs have been met--we enter an unfamiliar world of noise and light. We cannot help but desire a return to the womb. The mother serves as a substitute for this desire and we cling to her. We experience her absence for any extended period of time as a kind of terror.

This is the source of our deepest dread--of being abandoned and facing life alone, of emptiness and separation. This infantile fear bears little relationship to reality (the mother is never very far away); it stems from weakness and ignorance. As adults, we may think we have left such a fear behind, but it remains buried deep within and determines our actions in ways we cannot imagine. From our birth to our death, we continually crave comfort, warmth and security in whatever form we can find it. Forward is life and power but a part of us always wants to regress to the womb.

In childhood, a critical phase is reached. We are no longer so weak and helpless. We have a restless, adventurous spirit and we want to explore the world around us. If we are bold and given room by our parents to attempt things, we can develop a taste for risk and freedom that will mark us well into adulthood. But if we are held back, if we experience traumas in the form of unwanted change and confrontations, adversity, criticism from others, failure on any level, feeling too alone, then the opposite movement will occur. We will develop irrational fears about the world, and we will always move back to the warmth of the family to protect us. The need for comfort becomes more powerful than the desire to explore. And if our parents are nervous and full of fears themselves, this centripetal pull will be even stronger.

Our childish anxieties always have a grain of truth to them: there is danger in the world and pain that can come from venturing too far. But the anxiety we feel makes us exaggerate the danger, focus unnecessarily on the threat and causes us to stop moving out into the world. This at least gives us the illusion of control. If we stay within the circle of what is warm and familiar we can protect ourselves from hardship and suffering--or so it seems.

In adolescence we add a new layer of fear. We look beyond our family to our peers. Our greatest anxiety is to be ridiculed and excluded from a group, which now represents to us a new circle of warmth. We seek their approval. Our personality becomes formed around this desire. We smooth away our rough edges, what makes us an individual, and become obsessed with what people think of us and how we can please them.

At some point on this journey we find ourselves thrust into the cold and merciless work world. The illusion of being protected by mother, family or group is now gone. We must fend for ourselves. Our actions will determine how far we advance towards power. And if we continue to carry within us the irrational and unchallenged fears of our youth, we will inevitably resort to the regressive pattern that began in infancy. We will stick to a job or position that seems secure. Within that job, we can collect a paycheck and have our needs met--a womb-like relationship. We will adhere to the behavior patterns of our peers, or listen to the voices of our parents. Deep within, our thought process will also be infected. Certain ideas, cherished beliefs, strategies of action will become fixed in our brains; we will no longer be so open to new concepts or ways of doing things. Our minds will circle in familiar patterns.

We can express this in the following way: we begin life holding on to positions of comfort and dependency. As we get older we are naturally drawn outward, towards actions that will bring us power. This outer zone seems unfamiliar and unpredictable, but inviting. At certain points of moving in this direction, however, we inevitably encounter a resistance or obstacle that triggers a fear--that of being alone, having to confront people and possibly displease them, making mistakes and being criticized, feeling bored and empty, dealing with change and possible adversity, losing what we have, facing death itself. At the instant we feel this fear we look backwards towards what is safe and comforting and move in that direction. We do not explore or take risks. We react and retreat in a single line. We draw a circle around ourselves that cuts us off from power, one that becomes a kind of self-imposed prison.

Life naturally involves moments of pain and loneliness, battles and setbacks. To feel fear and retreat because of them is to struggle against life itself. As conscious, rational adults, we are called to finally move past these childish illusions and fears, to embrace life and reality.

Moving in the regressive, fearful direction, your options narrow with each passing year. Your fears tend to create new fears, as you back yourself into a corner and lose contact with power. Moving in the other direction brings the opposite dynamic. By being bold and true to your individuality, you make people respect you. They tend to get out of your way or follow you. You create your own circumstances, and one success tends to bring another. You have flow, moving with the chaos and changes in the modern world, instead of holding on to the past. All of this translates into potential force, as defined by Sun-tzu.

At such a point, the fears noted on the circle reverse themselves into forms of power. Overcoming the fear of loneliness, for instance, helps you develop self-reliance; moving past the fear of criticism brings you the power to learn from your mistakes; getting over the fear of boredom and empty moments helps you cultivate discipline and the ability to learn any craft.

Understand: we all feel too much fear in our lives. It is the source of our unhappiness. Almost all powerful, creative people in this world feel less fear than others; it is the secret of their success in any field.

Being fearless is not necessarily what you think. It does not mean being aggressive and bold at every moment. People who are uncontrollably aggressive in life are often secretly governed by fears and insecurities. Fearlessness on this level is more about possessing balance. When events occur, neutral or seemingly negative, fearless types have the capacity to focus on reality and not give disproportionate weight to the threat or risk. Having confronted and overcome the fear of death itself gives them a sense of proportion and priority--considering that our days are numbered, it is often not worth it to get so upset over the petty battles of the moment; better to act with urgency and energy on things that really matter. Unconcerned with what people think of them, these types feel free to give rein to their desires and whims, to be themselves.

In the end, what marks their spirit is a sense of calmness, freedom and mobility that are the necessary qualities for power in periods of dynamic change such as now. They are not weighed down by all the negative emotions that come from being overly concerned about others opinions, or feeling dependent on people. This frees up more energy to be creative. And what spells the difference between these types and those encircled by fear is merely the attitude towards life that they have chosen.

The fearless types in history generally experienced harsh circumstances that toughened them up. But many people suffer adversity and are simply overwhelmed by them. The difference is the ability that some people have to absorb these experiences and reflect on the negative influence of fear in their lives. What matters is awareness not experience.

This is only half of the equation, however. What will probably happen is that at some point during or after the reading you will have to confront some novel situation or difficulty. Made aware of how fear will cause you unconsciously to react and retreat, you will stop that motion and reflect. You will not give undue attention to the threat or danger that it involves. That alone will make you open to the possibility of trying something different. And having tasted a bit of the freedom that comes from moving past the circle, you will want more and more of this. Once you set foot on this path, you will never want to turn back.

Good luck, you're going to need it.

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Sunday, August 9, 2009

Thoughts while being tired (subtitled shortest post ever!)

ugh band......so tired.......brainz........lol

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Quick one

Well It's been awhile.....again.....hehe

Band is back in full swing and I think it will be the best in 2 years (it might even equal freshman year and all its EPICNESS!) We only have 3 new trumpets this year; Shamus, Tony, and Billy (who's nicknames are ShamWow, Harry Potter, and Imaginary Boy, respectively) and they seem to have some potential so that's good. We've changed up alot of the stuff for marching and even foot movement in general but as long as we don't have a Jackson move I'm fine.....for now.....

I'll have more tomorrow....I'm tired....and working on my plan.....

Sunday, August 2, 2009

And so it begins...

Well I am finally done with work! And I have band to thank as my savior (Irony strikes again!)

Well I've got to admit that all of this playing the system is working out better than I though.....

Well it appears that I am, once again, back into the FFVII craze. I actually found Advent Children, I haven't scene it for about a year (man I love it). Though I think that one of the main factors in me liking it as much as I do (I think that FFVII and KotOR are 2 of the top RPG's, for different reasons of course) is the main character in the game: Cloud Strife. His character is so.....I don't care, but he's like that he's afraid of losing something he does care about. He lost his family, best friend, and true love, so he's pretty afraid of losing anything else he is atatched to. Yet despite it all, when what he has left is threatened, he fights for it. He doesn't give up



Just a vid that explains the back story for most of it, yes it's in Japanese, but the sub titles kind've help with the language barrier.

Well I am off once again, I have an early morning tomorrow (got to drive my sister to volleyball tryouts early in the morning) ugh I'm tired.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Do I always have to have a title?

I don't really have a topic, give me a break, I've been working.

So the wait is getting to me. [CENSORED TILL FURTHER NOTICE], ugh stupid time, it never works out the way you want it when you need it.



Lol I was watching the Dr. Who episodes that Andrew gave me and this one just popped up, I totally forgot about this.
Sorry to make this so short but I have a world to conquer on CivsIII

Just a quick note, The Onion, one of my favorite websites, has sadly and apparently been bought out by the Chinese.....darn commies.....or is it????

Sunday, July 19, 2009

I miss my old shows......

Yes the title is pretty random, but I swear there is a good reason lol

Saturday my mother asked me if I wanted to head with her up to College Station, TX, to celebrate my 5 year old cousin, 38 year old uncle, and 2 year old cousins birthdays (they all have one within a week of each other so we celebrated them all at once). So after a 3 hour drive up we arrive at the house and the first thing my little cousin J.C. (the 5 year old) ask is "Do you want to watch Batman with me?"
Now I feel I must mention that this part of the family loves superhero's (like Batman and Spiderman) and Startrek (like Klingons and Hydrans and Borg and Kirk and.....oh....sorry bout that....hehe....) and there for the show's and movies. Also the older brother of this cousin (he's 9, he was in Dallas this week) also loves starwars! wOOt for nerds!
Anyways, I tell him sure and so I set up the system (their home theater system is nice!) I start it up and it's not the batman I thought it was......it's even better! In front of my very eyes was a show I hadn't seen in 10 years, a show that I ran to the day care (when I was little, and I mean little lol, and lived in washington) with my friends (I was actually popular if you can believe it lol) and watch this when it came on at 3:30 every weekday. A show that had us thinking that capes where overrated long before the Incredibles came out. A show that made us wonder about the future.
Batman Beyond was on!
Well I watched quite a few episodes (ones that I actually partly remembered) and even watched the movie that I never knew existed lol. The series is so much better than I remember and I noticed a few familiar voices like Will Friedle voiced Terry McGinnis (the "new" batman (he also voiced Gideon Wyeth in Advent Rising one of my favorite games!)), as well as Mark Hamill, who voiced the Joker (many of you will know him as Luke Skywalker). The series is much darker than I remember but that actually brings more into the show than it does alienate.
Well we headed back today and I'm starting to read "The Spear" which is a amazingly good book. The style actually reminds me of Alexandre Dumas. Mark let me borrow it.....speaking of Mark.....XKCD's (a webcomic I follow) latest issue reminded me so much of, what we call, marks "evil" side and I all thought you should see it, Enjoy! (The Character that reminds me of Mark is the one with a hat. He's called the "Classhole" cause he's an asshole but with class!)

Click the pic to see it completely

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

You might be a nerd if......

Considering this is my 42nd post I thought it would be nice to change things up abit, so I present to you all a comedic list of how you can tell if you are a nerd or just average conforming American teenager, Enjoy!

1. You never send letters to your friends.
(Always Email)
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards
in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your
friends is that they don't have Email.
4. You'd rather look all over the house for the
remote instead of just pushing the button on the
TV.
6. Your evening activity is sitting at the
computer.
7. You read this list, and keep nodding and
smiling.
8. You think about how stupid you are for reading
this.
9. You were too busy to notice number five.
10. You actually scrolled back up to check if
there was a number five.
11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.

And just an after though, since this post is so special I think you all should know that I just lost the game.

-This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Napsta

Monday, July 13, 2009

"Chosen to rise, destined to fall" - The motto of all great empires.

This is a political essay written by My favorite author Orson Scott Card. It pretty much explains what I've been thinking of with the government for the last couple years, and it explains why I don't share many of my political preferences, Enjoy.

Because we haven't had a civil war in the past fourteen decades, people think we can't have one now. Where is the geographic clarity of the Mason-Dixon line? When you look at the red-state blue-state division in the past few elections, you get a false impression. The real division is urban, academic, and high-tech counties versus suburban, rural, and conservative Christian counties. How could such widely scattered "blue" centers and such centerless "red" populations ever act in concert?
Geography aside, however, we have never been so evenly divided with such hateful rhetoric since the years leading up to the Civil War of the 1860s. Because the national media elite are so uniformly progressive, we keep hearing (in the elite media) about the rhetorical excesses of the "extreme right." To hear the same media, there is no "extreme left," just the occasional progressive who says things he or she shouldn't.
But any rational observer has to see that the Left and Right in America are screaming the most vile accusations at each other all the time. We are fully polarized -- if you accept one idea that sounds like it belongs to either the blue or the red, you are assumed -- nay, required -- to espouse the entire rest of the package, even though there is no reason why supporting the war against terrorism should imply you're in favor of banning all abortions and against restricting the availability of firearms; no reason why being in favor of keeping government-imposed limits on the free market should imply you also are in favor of giving legal status to homosexual couples and against building nuclear reactors. These issues are not remotely related, and yet if you hold any of one group's views, you are hated by the other group as if you believed them all; and if you hold most of one group's views, but not all, you are treated as if you were a traitor for deviating even slightly from the party line.
It goes deeper than this, however. A good working definition of fanaticism is that you are so convinced of your views and policies that you are sure anyone who opposes them must either be stupid and deceived or have some ulterior motive. We are today a nation where almost everyone in the public eye displays fanaticism with every utterance.
It is part of human nature to regard as sane those people who share the worldview of the majority of society. Somehow, though, we have managed to divide ourselves into two different, mutually exclusive sanities. The people in each society reinforce each other in madness, believing unsubstantiated ideas that are often contradicted not only by each other but also by whatever objective evidence exists on the subject. Instead of having an ever-adapting civilization-wide consensus reality, we have became a nation of insane people able to see the madness only in the other side.
Does this lead, inevitably, to civil war? Of course not -- though it's hardly conducive to stable government or the long-term continuation of democracy. What inevitably arises from such division is the attempt by one group, utterly convinced of its rectitude, to use all coercive forces available to stamp out the opposing views.

Such an effort is, of course, a confession of madness. Suppression of other people's beliefs by force only comes about when you are deeply afraid that your own beliefs are wrong and you are desperate to keep anyone from challenging them. Oh, you may come up with rhetoric about how you are suppressing them for their own good or for the good of others, but people who are confident of their beliefs are content merely to offer and teach, not compel.
The impulse toward coercion takes whatever forms are available. In academia, it consists of the denial of degrees, jobs, or tenure to people with nonconformist opinions. Ironically, the people who are most relentless in eliminating competing ideas congratulate themselves on their tolerance and diversity. In most situations, it is less formal, consisting of shunning -- but the shunning usually has teeth in it. Did Mel Gibson, when in his cups, say something that reflects his upbringing in an antisemitic household? Then he is to be shunned -- which in Hollywood will mean he can never be considered for an Oscar and will have a much harder time getting prestige, as opposed to money, roles.
It has happened to me, repeatedly, from both the Left and the Right. It is never enough to disagree with me -- I must be banned from speaking at a particular convention or campus; my writings should be boycotted; anything that will punish me for my noncompliance and, if possible, impoverish me and my family.

So virulent are these responses -- again, from both the Left and the Right -- that I believe it is only a short step to the attempt to use the power of the state to enforce one's views. On the right we have attempts to use the government to punish flag burners and to enforce state-sponsored praying. On the left, we have a ban on free speech and peaceable public assembly in front of abortion clinics and the attempt to use the power of the state to force the acceptance of homosexual relationships as equal to marriages. Each side feels absolutely justified in compelling others to accept their views.
It is puritanism, not in its separatist form, desiring to live by themselves by their own rules, but in its Cromwellian form, using the power of the state to enforce the dicta of one group throughout the wider society, by force rather than persuasion.
This despite the historical fact that the civilization that has created more prosperity and freedom for more people than ever before is one based on tolerance and pluralism, and that attempts to force one religion (theistic or atheistic) on the rest of a nation or the world inevitably lead to misery, poverty, and, usually, conflict.
Yet we seem only able to see the negative effects of coercion caused by the other team. Progressives see the danger of allowing fanatical religions (which, by some definitions, means "all of them") to have control of government -- they need only point to Iran, Saudi Arabia, the Taliban, or, in a more general and milder sense, the entire Muslim world, which is oppressed precisely to the degree that Islam is enforced as the state religion.
Conservatives, on the other hand, see the danger of allowing fanatical atheistic religions to have control of government, pointing to Nazi Germany and all Communist nations as obvious examples of political utopianism run amok.
Yet neither side can see any connection between their own fanaticism and the historical examples that might apply to them. People insisting on a Christian America simply cannot comprehend that others view them as the Taliban-in-waiting; those who insist on progressive exclusivism in America are outraged at any comparison between them and Communist totalitarianism. Even as they shun or fire or deny tenure to those who disagree with them, everybody thinks it's the other guy who would be the oppressor, while our side would simply "set things to rights."

Rarely do people set out to start a civil war. Invariably, when such wars break out both sides consider themselves to be the aggrieved ones. Right now in America, even though the Left has control of all the institutions of cultural power and prestige -- universities, movies, literary publishing, mainstream journalism-- as well as the federal courts, they feel themselves oppressed and threatened by traditional religion and conservatism. And even though the Right controls both houses of Congress and the presidency, as well as having ample outlets for their views in nontraditional media and an ever-increasing dominance over American religious and economic life, they feel themselves oppressed and threatened by the cultural dominance of the Left.
And they are threatened, just as they are also threatening, because nobody is willing to accept the simple idea that someone can disagree with their group and still be a decent human being worthy of respect.
Can it lead to war?
Very simply, yes. The moment one group feels itself so aggrieved that it uses either its own weapons or the weapons of the state to "prevent" the other side from bringing about its supposed "evil" designs, then that other side will have no choice but to take up arms against them. Both sides will believe the other to be the instigator.
The vast majority of people will be horrified -- but they will also be mobilized whether they like it or not.

It's the lesson of Yugoslavia and Rwanda. If you were a Tutsi just before the Rwandan holocaust who did not hate Hutus, who married a Hutu, who hired Hutus or taught school to Hutu students, it would not have stopped Hutus from taking machetes to you and your family. You would have had only two choices: to die or to take up arms against Hutus, whether you had previously hated them or not.
But it went further. Knowing they were doing a great evil, the Hutus who conducted the programs also killed any Hutus who were "disloyal" enough to try to oppose taking up arms.
Likewise in Yugoslavia. For political gain, Serbian leaders in the post-Tito government maintained a drumbeat of Serbian manifest-destiny propaganda, which openly demonized Croatian and Muslim people as a threat to good Serbs. When Serbs in Bosnia took up arms to "protect themselves" from being ruled by a Muslim majority -- and were sponsored and backed by the Serbian government -- what choice did a Bosnian Muslim have but to take up arms in self-defense? Thus both sides claimed to be acting in self-defense, and in short order, they were.
And as both Rwanda and Bosnia proved, clear geographical divisions are not required in order to have brutal, bloody civil wars. All that is required is that both sides come to believe that if they do not take up arms, the other side will destroy them.

In America today, we are complacent in our belief that it can't happen here. We forget that America is not an ethnic nation, where ancient ties of blood can bind people together despite differences. We are created by ideology; ideas are our only connection. And because today we have discarded the free marketplace of ideas and have polarized ourselves into two equally insane ideologies, so that each side can, with perfect accuracy, brand the other side as madmen, we are ripe for that next step, to take preventive action to keep the other side from seizing power and oppressing our side.
The examples are -- or should be -- obvious. That we are generally oblivious to the excesses of our own side merely demonstrates how close we already are to a paroxysm of self-destruction.

We are waiting for Fort Sumter.

I hope it doesn't come.

We live in a time when people like me, who do not wish to choose either camp's ridiculous, inconsistent, unrelated ideology, are being forced to choose -- and to take one whole absurd package or the other.
We live in a time when moderates are treated worse than extremists, being punished as if they were more fanatical than the actual fanatics.
We live in a time when lies are preferred to the truth and truths are called lies, when opponents are assumed to have the worst conceivable motives and treated accordingly, and when we reach immediately for coercion without even bothering to find out what those who disagree with us are actually saying.

In short, we are creating for ourselves a new dark age -- the darkness of blinders we voluntarily wear, and which, if we do not take them off and see each other as human beings with legitimate, virtuous concerns, will lead us to tragedies whose cost we will bear for generations.
Or, maybe, we can just calm down and stop thinking that our own ideas are so precious that we must never give an inch to accommodate the heartfelt beliefs of others.
How can we accomplish that? It begins by scorning the voices of extremism from the camp we are aligned with. Democrats and Republicans must renounce the screamers and haters from their own side instead of continuing to embrace them and denouncing only the screamers from the opposing camp. We must moderate ourselves instead of insisting on moderating the other guy while keeping our own fanaticism alive.
In the long run, the great mass of people who simply want to get on with their lives can shape a peaceful future. But it requires that they actively pursue moderation and reject extremism on every side, and not just on one. Because it is precisely those ordinary people, who don't even care all that much about the issues, who will end up suffering the most from any conflict that might arise.

If you managed to get through all of that, I congratulate you and ask you to think about what you've read, So that we all learn the lesson so desperately need in America, and the world itself, today.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Delayed 4th of July post

Well hasn't it?
I've been pretty busy since I started work and I really haven't had the time to let my hands slide over the crisp and detailed keyboard, it feels good to type again......

Well band is over for now....again....we had the 4th of July parade and so I headed back to Schertz and went to the practice on the 3rd, which was mostly inside (that had never happened before) but I will admit, the marching was absolutely fracked up! Stupid fish..........anyways the forth comes along and we didn't suck as bad as I thought we were going to, though it was only Mike, Eric, and myself playing first part on trumpet so there were times where it was only us playing in the trumpets, but I got to yell at some fish so it was all good.
Well after the parade my parents threw a party for some family and friends so I had my little cousins Garrett and J.C. come over along with Nathan (a long time friend of mine) and Zak and we all played StarWars Battlefront II together (which Zak and I own at, though to be fair we've basically mastered ever level on it) so later Zak and I head to the computer and play some Fallout Tactics as well as finishing up our Greek campaign for Rome Total War (how we won I don't even know lol) well he also spends the night and after replacing the spark plugs on my car I go to drop him off at his house.....but not before we go and see the new Transformers! I had already seen it but he hadn't see I thought "What the heck" and went with him to see it.

Well I'm done for now, I have some more stuff for my book to write as well as start working on ESSSSOC II, It was finally updated! FINALLY!

-This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Napsta

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

First day on the Job

Well today I woke up at 6:30 in order to get to lockhart at 8:00 o'clock to get to my new job on time at the Chisholm Trail Veterinary Clinic.

Well all my work on trying to find a job failed (I know that sounds paradoxical, seeing that I have one now lol) my mother said that I would have to work for my uncle (who owns the clinic, making the connections?) so here I am!
I've worked with him before, frack I even helped refurbish the place for him but this time I'm actually getting a salary (the other times were really me just hanging with some of the family for a few weeks). I actually got done with all the paperwork and stuff today.
Well when I got there (at 8 o'clock sharp) my uncle walks in carrying a baby fawn (deer), it had apparently been abandoned by its mother and got stuck in the neighbors garage. It was all cut up on the right hind leg for we stitched it up and put it in a kennel away from the rest of the animals. Well the rest of the time before my lunch break I cleaned up around the shop, helped with some more operations on animals (I've done plenty before when I've helped out before), and helped with the computer system, which I actually shut down by mistake.......that was a "Do'h!" moment....but I also fixed up a computer that hadn't been working for awhile (props to nerdom!)
After lunch I filled out some paperwork and after 1:00 my uncle and I went to his other clinic (yes he has two) where I cleaned stalls, helped treat a goat (it had an infected utter, ugh that was bad), feed cattle, and load/unload fencing.
When I get off work I still have an hours worth of driving back I run into the storm that's been giving us all the rain (except at my house that is) and man that was scary.......
Well you won't be hearing from me till Thursday or later because I shall be staying the night at my uncles tomorrow night in order to save gas and such (and to mess with my 3 little cousins =P) but I have to be back Thursday for, dare I say it, band. So all I shall have to keep me entertained will be Empire, satellite T.V., and maybe some delicious Bar-B-Q!

-This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Napsta

Monday, June 29, 2009

Just a quick post for now!

NERD ALERT!
I'm taking a break from working around the house and such and thought that you all might enjoy another nerdy video, Enjoy!

Monday, June 22, 2009

3rd Mega Post

Well long time no write eh? (at least for me) alot has happened and maybe, just maybe "Valley Forge" has finally been completed.

Joe showed me this one and I thought that you all might enjoy it (for those of you that are ignorant of this, Minesweeper is one of the games that comes with every Windows OS)

I would so pay to see that movie lol

Well very early in the morning of Tuesday I finished up Gears of War II's campaign which, in my opinion, is much better than the originals, the part when Dominic had to kill his wife had me going "Frack......that's just messed up.....I'm going to kill all of the Locust". Well eventually we head to sleep and then wake up and play some more and then I head back to the house and laze the day away (thank god)

Wednesday
Worked ALOT on my series which now has a name! I'm calling it "Silhouettes of War". I came to this title for my originally story actually but trashed the name because it didn't accurately describe what I wanted to show the readers: that "Good" and "Evil" are always arbitrary and can't be absolute. I still don't know the names for the individual books themselves but I'm sure that I will find something by the time I'm done with my first few drafts.
I don't remember the rest of the day though I did also get to watch Guys and Dolls, my favorite musical.

Thursday
Cleaned up the house for my mother (she hates it when it's remotely dirty, and I happened to be home all day) and wrote even more stuff for my book.....not much really happened this day....most of it was getting ready for tomorrow since it was going to be a big day....

Friday
I woke up relatively early, took a shower, started up the jeep (the rear transmission is acting up for some reason....), drove to Kevin's house, watched him almost beat a level in Halo Wars, got picked up by Courtney and Hilary, then all for of us headed to Fiesta Texas! (On a subnote, during this drive Kevin and I figured out that God is the only true communist lol).
Well Hilary and I were getting in free thanks to the whole "season pass coupons" thing (both Kevin and Courtney has a SP). So while Kevin went with Courtney to go get her coupon booklet (apparently she didn't get hers yet) and so Hilary and I are just waiting outside the park, waiting for them to get back. I've got to say that this is when we went on the funnest ride. One of us had decided that we should wait in line, that way when they come back we are somewhere at the front. Lol well after about 3 rotations Hilary, who is embarrassed that people are wondering "Why the [CENSORED] are they going back and forth?", so she decides that she wants to sit down and wait, well I see no problem in that, so we sit down on one of the many benches and just talk for the next 30 minutes.
Well they eventually come back and we head into the depths of the bankrupt monster that was specifically designed to separate as much of our money from us a possible! Well of course we head to the Roadrunner first (lol egnant, in side joke) and then most of the other rides (most not all) but overall I've got to say that I had a fun time. And after about 10 hours we decide to leave and go get something to eat for supper at a cheaper, more reasonably priced food establishment lol, but not before I pick up some rockcandy for my sister (yes I actually did lol)
So we head to Freddys! I love that place! With melt in your mouth double cheesburgers, string fries (which are salty, the way I like'm!), and custerd!......I'm hungry now.....anyways Maria was working that night so we talk to her for a bit (but she soon has to head back to work) so after that Kevin and I our droped back off at his house and I talk to Kevin for a few more minutes before I head to my car and drive back home. It was during this drive that I realized that I had left the candy in Courtney's car......dang now I'm hungry for Rockcandy.....
Oh I almost forgot, I had a Mountain Dew, which almost made the day perfect (almost).

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A post from Kevin S's

Well today was pretty fun actually, though it had its share of work

I woke up at 5 in the morning (not for any reason really....well somewhat...) and couldn't go back to sleep though I was able to veg out for a bit before my mother "woke" me up to tell me that I should help my dad fix the front frame and lining on the outside of the house, but my dad had other plans today and decided that I should mow the lawn. So I prep up the motor and check all of the stuff (oil, tire presure, and the like) and get to the mow'n! This time it was different though because, sure I had the 'I'm on a boat" blasting in my ear, but I also talked to Jovanna for....oh I don't know....5 hours....idn't notice how long that was....dude....but anyways after hours of mowing, I finish de-prepping it, as I put it, took a shower (I swear I wasn't white as sour cream I was covered in so much dust and dirt lol) and head over to Kevin S's (not the same Kevin as in the last post, big Kevin lol) and we head to a Missions game, well they had Mountain Dew so it all worked out fine lol, I got to annoy Kevin (something I'm very good at hehe), and watch a kid chase Henry the Puffy Taco and tackle to the ground like the freaking taco he is!
Right now I'm blogging (of course), but earlier I was able to play some Cod4 and right now about to head off and finish the Gears2 campaign. Oh before I head off for some headshot and chainsaw action (all with major amounts of blood and me screaming about how much of a beast I am at it *coughcough*)....actually...I'll save that for another post lol

P.S. See Jovanna, I posted today, granted it's around midnight, but by golly-g I did it!

-This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Napsta
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Sunday, June 14, 2009

I'm on a boat!

Today was pretty fun actually.....

If any of you are wondering why the title of this post is so weird, I present to you one of the greatest SNL Digital Shorts ever done! Behold "I'm on a boat!" [WARNING LOT'S OF COMEDICLY PLACED PROFANITY]

Crazy hu?

This morning I was able to sleep in till 9:30 (man that felt good), take a shower (the only way I can seem to wake up in the morning lol), clean my room (It really needed it), and then check out some old browser based MMO's that I used to play in what seemed like forever ago....I'm just starting to realize how much I changed last year....
Well today I went with my family to my cousin's 4th birthday party at ZDT's. So I got to play games like Pump It UP (DDR basically), Time Crisis IV, as well as Street Fighter IV. They also have Go-Karts (I am seriously going to not drive with my sister when she gets her licence *shivers*), Rock-Climbing, Power Dropper, Cloth Slides, and a Bungee-Trampoline (I only did the Go-Karts though (I'm not much a thrill seeker, well....depends actually....)). I also got to hang out with my little cousins (yes they are younger and smaller lol) though most of them played in the Jungle-Jim (which actually has a jungle theme ironically enough). I did actually play PiU with Garrett (the same one as in the previous post) which...let's just say he's not an Alan.....YET! I actually played it with my sister.....who isn't an Alan either....but eh I had some fun with that, and besides we barely do anything together (the whole super sized ego's we both have kind've shot at each other every chance they get lol).
On a sub note we drove my cousins Sam and Audrey to the party as well and they are a basket full of smiley faces (I mean that in a truthful and sarcastic way lol). Oh, I also had a "Battle of the Wits" (what a call a friendly exchange of insults lol) with small (hehe) Kevin over the phone. He was actually doing pretty well against my insults (most people can't actually) until he misspelled "Deutsch".....*sigh*.....if someone is going to insult me, at least do it properly. Failure man....just...just failure....

Well it is time for me to take my leave...as I have a few things I would like to do tonight such as: subjugating an alien race (Galactic Civs II), ponder whether I want to wash my car or just clean the inside of it tomorrow, and send a few text and make a few calls.....=) things are looking up for Alan!

-This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Napsta
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Saturday, June 13, 2009

On my feet once again....

Well things are getting interesting.......

I will actually keep my day stuff short as SNL is on.
My day was fine, I didn't do much today except sit around and write, play games, read, and run errands for my mother, until I learned that we had a graduation party to go to that is. So we head over to Germania Bowling Center (a small old fashion 9-pins bowling house) and I set up pins for about 2 hours, hang out with my little cousins (I swear my 9 year-old cousin is just like me when I was that age lol), and then think....alot about a subject that I'd rather not say since this subject is not just about me.

I thought you guys might enjoy some comedy to counter-act the drama that is cramed on this blog lol.
And if you'll excuse me, my day just got better =) (or atleast what's left of it lol)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Band has been slayed!....for now.....

Well today marked the end of our "mini" band camp, so props for that!

The last 3 days the band (or at least those who wanted/had to come lol) has been meeting on the "marching field" (the parking lot at the back of the school) to relearn how to march basically. We worked on the regular stuff like forward, backward, side, preps and such. Most of it was just recap but I did have to relearn how to march because we changed up the fundamentals so much, but I think I've got it down. I got to hang out with my friends (since most of them are in band) but Mark wasn't there for 2 of them (out of 3) because he is currently sick....again....and David wasn't there on the last day because...well I don't know exactly...he just wasn't there. Joe and Tia where there though so it was alright.
Speaking of Tia.....I am finally over her. There is a relief that floods through my body every time I say it, but there is still a sadness, though I think that's normal with my whole "plan out everything" personality. There were just to many thought, to many wishes, to many dreams that I created, and it seems that their only purpose in life, as it is now, was to torture me and call me back to a battle that I could not win. As David Hadron says "I'm always rapped up in things I cannot win". But now I can actually talk to her and not feel anything, and I mean anything, sure I still care for her safety and well being but now as a friend rather than a admirer. So now I can begin to rebuild the friendship that we lost.
Also, I was actually asked to head over to Whataburger and hang out but I sadly had no money and I had to take Joe home lol, but hey, Joe and I always have cool conversations about anything and everything.

On a final note I've been replaying most of my old games but don't know exactly why. Don't get me wrong, I love these games (The Third Age, Rome: Total War, and others) but I don't know if it's because I'm bored, looking to escape for a bit, or just want to play them for fun, maybe it's a combination.

Well I must be going, Rome is about to be engulfed in a civil war and I (the Bruttii, a influential Roman family) plan to come out on top, uniting the Empire and then conquering the world!

-This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Napsta
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Monday, June 8, 2009

Things looking up.....or at least I think they are

Well it's been an interesting 4 days since I last posted and maybe, just maybe (yes that repetition is cliche), things might be heading in a less "self-loathing" manner.

Friday was busy. I went around with my sister to bus her to her hair-appointment, buy groceries for ourselves (my mother was on the coast for a quilting thing, just got back yesterday actually), ate at Freddy's (I love that place!), headed back home to conquer Middle Earth (thanks for letting me borrow that game Mark!), bus Kristen, again, to something, pick up Mark (he actually went to a social event =o) then we headed to the crown jewel of my day: Andrew's graduation party.
Mark and I were actually the first ones there (that never happens) and we brought gifts as well. Mark brought his mother AMAZING cookies, while I brought back his book "Three" (which sadly enough I never read....) and gave him both the Clone Wars and Knights of the Old Republic soundtracks (which are amazing too). We ate some delicious Bar-B-Q, talked about almost everything, came up with the Pokemon dance (which is not a nerdy as it sounds lol), dueled with some party poppers. After all of that we played a game called....apples and cherries? I don't know some card game that turned out to be really funny, ironic, stupid and a few other adjectives lol but overall the game was fun. Then we all went upstairs and played BRAWL! I didn't do so hot though......I picked Kirby instead of my usual Ike against a blitzer (Fox)......yeah let's not talk about that battle.....After that it started to wind down and Mark and I left and around....I don't know....12:30 at night? So I drop him back off at his house, get home, print of some stuff for my SAT (which was in the morning, yes it was already the morning) and went to sleep in order to get a decent score on it.

Saturday I woke up around 6:30 to get ready for both the SAT's and Graduation (I had to play in the band), made sure my sister was ready and then headed down to Roosevelt. Well I explain to my sister about what to expect to take and we actually run into Mike (not literally) and we get to talking before we are herded into our rooms. After about 5 hours (it ran over!!!!) my sister and I get changed, get picked up by Mrs. Nora (my mom wasn't comfy with me driving downtown....) and we get there and play with the band, listen to speech's, stand up and scream Andrew's name when he walked the stage (hehe that was fun) and talk to Robert (my unofficial fish) about how everything that was said could be related to Star Wars and Obama (we had fun with that). After that we were driven back to my car (I know weird), and then I went to pick up my second best friend Zak so we could have a, as Tia calls it, "Man-over" (don't ask, it's a long and happy story from a happier time....) well we didn't head straight home because my sister and I had had nothing to eat since last night (no time in the morning nor time in the afternoon) so I stopped at Sonic and payed for both of us (I know, what a nice guy *coughcough*).
When I get home the first thing that Zak and I do is punch-up the computer (again not literally) and conquer the ancient Mediterranean on Rome: Total War, yet another amazing game that we always play (were the Greeks this time, god the Romans put up one frack of a fight). During this time Jovanna, Katy, and Jenny (if I misspelled her name, forgive me) came over to hang out with my sister and finally see the new kitten that I keep telling Jovanna is perfect for her (which that kitten is prety cool) but left after an hour or so....hhmmmm...what else did I do....not much....I went to sleep at a reasonable time for whenever Zak and I hang out (we usually stay up till 4 AM) and fell asleep watching some BSG (looks like they're in for one heck of a ride, no pun intended actually).

Sunday was alright, not much happened, I did get to watch the Gladiator though, it was actually on one of the 20 regular channels that I get (including the Spanish and Cristian ones) heck yes!
Finished Tuesday the 9th of June

Friday, June 5, 2009

1st day of FREEDOM (or is it?)

Well I feel that there is only one piece of information that will suffice in expressing what many of us feel right now......
SCHOOL IS OUT!

This school year was one fracking trek through about every emotion that I believe the human mind can experience. From embarrassment, joy, love, shame, hate, depression, and so many others it feels like I've left a vestige on others as well as theirs on me. I would like to thank everyone for helping me out this year, whether from personal or school problems, every shred of advice and talk, I used to solve whatever problem I faced. Thanks again.

Yet another.....NERD ALERT
Bioware has finally released a cut scene from "The Old Republic" (known by us nerds as KotOR III) and it is fantasmigorical! The game is a MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game, for my many readers who aren't acronym savvy) that puts you into the Star Wars Universe (300 years after the first two KotOR, so about 3,700 years before the movies)

Decieved
: Well this is the scene, enjoy!

I'll update this later!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Finally able to post again!

Well I've had a busy last few days but I'm finally back!

Friday was an alright day.....I think......I don't really remember much.....oh! Wait! I do! Raechel got prom princess! She texted me the minute she got it to tell me lol I told her that it was no contest! She thought that was nice hehe.

Saturday I helped out my grandfather for a few hours...which turned out to be 5 hours of yard work but it was all worth it because I was able to go to Kevins S's house for his birthday party.....18 hours of games! I played GoW2, CoD4, Halo wars, and Halo 3 with my friends, watched mythbusters, and let him borrow KotOR an amazing game that I would put in my top 5.

Sunday I worked around the yard at my place....until the muffler fell off lol. So wait about 6 more hours and we get a new muffler (as well as some other things for the mower, and a mountain dew for me!) and it's back to mowing! So about, oh I don't know, 2 hours into it my mother decides that I should finish the English project I have (It's amazing if I do say so myself) and then head over to my grandfathers again because my grandmother just got out of the hospital (she had pneumonia, it's a fracker).

Well today was alright (though I'm starting to see everything in a better light than the last month) we're still watching Forrest Gump in history, and we actually watched PowerRanger Turbo in Physics lol. I finished my ESSSSOC II post finally, to those that it may concern, I'm sorry that it took so long to post, I've been busy fighting my own battles to be overly concerned with our characters ones. I thought I did a nice job on it and just because I want to brag (hehe) what I posted is what you shall see below this.....(Just for the record, David fought with Raphiel in the same sqaud, and AK a computer AI that runs Davids Wänzer) Enjoy!

David had always hated walking; it reminded him of happier times.
David walked through the forest fully outfitted for battle. His Katana sheathed to his back in its slender black encasement, blended in with the darkness that surrounded him. His Longspear, a gift from his step-father, was fastened by a strip of leather sown into his attire to his back. His firearms where holstered on both hips, his M6P5AP Pistol on his left and his M38SM2SF Submachine gun on his right. David was going to take no chances if there was an enemy coming from this portal that the Highlander had mentioned.
The Highlands were unusually quiet and the atmosphere was bleak, though that was alright with David, he liked it bleak, it felt more familiar to him. Since he last saw Julius, David was starting to wonder if all he accomplished, all he had sacrificed, had been worth it.
“I have only one other thing to sacrifice and I would rather give my life before I gave up hers” He thought to himself.
He was worried about his Wänzer, it wouldn’t give any electrical signals worth powering itself. He could accelerate the reactions to what he needed to power it but he couldn’t control the rate of the reactions themselves, and he thought it would be a great inconvenience if they all suddenly dissolved inside of a nuclear explosion, so he resigned it to scanning and processing duties, much to the “extreme degradation” of AK.
David stopped. He was at a boundary were the grasslands met the forest, it was as if nature had found a way to come to an agreement on how to live with all of it’s floral serfdoms battling for the right to live. Everything in this view was natural and peaceful, except for one thing: the air smelled of ionization. 1068 ft away directly in front of him was a swirling blue vortex. There was no wind blowing but the grass around the blue paradox was pointing in different erratic directions every split second as if it were in a tornado. The void in time and space made no noise surprisingly, and if it didn’t move the grass on give of a mixed light of blue and white, it you would think it was one of the many unexplained wonders that were natural to these mystical lands.
David linked up with the Abysmal and told AK to run a diagnostics and sensor sweep of the portal and whatever he could find coming from inside it. As AK was doing the task that had been commanded of him, David’s started to go through the mental exercises that he went through every time before he fought, it helped prepare him for the moment he would have to take someone’s life. But slowly and unnoticed by himself, he started to wonder about Ehlena.
Was she alright?
What has happened to her?
He started going through his last moments before being called here. “I was fighting Julius……I couldn’t get an advantage over him” He replayed the battle in his head, His com screaming with reports, Thousands of corpses falling to the earth every second, ships failing and then falling into the atmosphere, Ander sacrificing himself to block a CPC that was meant to destroy the Resolute and kill Ehlena, David watching Martha die in front of him while he screamed her name, using his rage to control and use all of his SHADOW, charging Julius, losing half of his Wanzer, stabbing Julius through the cockpit, the CPC firing while the Vestige and the Abysmal where in its line of fire, blinding light, Ehlena yelling his name…….then……
A metal groan from the portal snapped David out of his collective thought. He brandished his spear and upholstered his pistol aiming at the source of the noise. To the sound was added gunfire, heavy gunfire from cannons or other large weapons, explosions, building collapsing, people screaming, the heavy rat-tat-tat of automatic weapons.
David knew these noises and what they were from; he had been in the middle of them so many times before: It was a battle between multiple Wänzers.
“This can’t be” David muttered in disbelief.
AK sent the reports that he received from his sweeps and said “I would appear that this portal connects to somewhere on earth and during our timeframe. I have reading from multiple IF transponder signals from my inferior brothers……oh…..this is….strange”
“What is it?” David quickly asked
There was a pause “One of these IF codes is my own.” said AK in shock.
Suddenly there was another explosion but this time it was louder and clearer. A scream suddenly filled the air then it was filled with the sound of a man full of rage.
“AHHHH!!!!” screamed the voice from the portal “I won’t let you kill this last one! I served with these men! I led these men! YOU KILLED THEM!”
Metal clings and clangs filled the air followed by multiple explosions.
“If I’m going down, I’m going to make sure none of you can kill again!”
David started running to the portal “This isn’t happening, he’s dead, I saw him die!”
Multiple thumps of a heavy machine that was running came from the portal followed by a deafening groan. The voice spoke for a final time that sounded full of peace; the kind of peace that only a member of humanity can have when they have fulfilled there greatest desire and are filled with the satisfaction of it.
“David, tell Martha I love her”
There was an explosion but this one was not only heard through the portal but it was real as well. Flames sputtered from the anomaly, choking out the life of everything within 500 ft, burning it all within a maw of fire. David ran through the flames to the portal, not caring if he would be burned, for he was running to find what he hoped and dreaded for.
The flames cleared right when he reached the portal, the field around it was gone, the barren earth was scorched black and the air smelt of burnt ozone.
The portal was gone and where it had once been was a body. He was clad in a full dress uniform that was standard for all officers that served in the SOL military, David had himself worn the same uniform (but not nearly all the decorations on this one) not but 2 years ago.
The man was David’s step-brother; Raphael.

Well that's all I have to say tonight! I'll update the expansions on this ESSSSOC II post when I post next!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

On Life and David Hadron

Well today was alright...I think...wait what am I saying!!?!?!

I had some donuts for breakfast this morning so that's a plus, um watched Forrest Gump in history (love that movie), uhhh signed some year books and......oh, I got commended on all of my TAKS, got a 4 on my amazing essay for the English TAKS but got two 3's and a 0 for my short answers (how does that work out? lol) Well I headed home early today because I had to gas up and such. I didn't do much at home, I worked on my English project and Math worksheets, went to the Jacobson's to work on their yard (so many leafs!)

On to my main rant for today!

During the process of writing my book (now books), most of the plot lines and character weren't there in the first place or were totally different than what they are now. So many things have changed in it that I can actually look back and when I compare both the "old" character and the "new" character, I can actually see myself maturing with them.

David Hadron: I had some trouble making this character and I've gone through about 4 different character types before I can to my final draft of him. He is the Protagonist of the story, the Hero.
Archetypes: Reluctant Hero, Outcast (because he is a carrier of SHADOW), and Übermensch
Enneagrams: Self-Profectionist, Guardian/Defender, and Individualist
RPG Archetyps: Soldier
Fantasy Archetypes: Blacksmith (He builds and upkeeps his own Wanzer), Slayer, Warlock (SHADOW again)
Pure Archetypes: Autist, Critic (self), Deviant, Loner/Renunciate, Masquerader, and Revolutionary
Physical Description: Above average height, fairly built and featured, left side from waist up is pure SHADOW (I'll explain what it is later). Usually wears dress uniform in the military but also wears leather fitings when not (such as when he is out in citizen life). He has dirty blond hair and light blue eyes.
Psychological Description: Tends to dissociate himslef from others to hide what he views as his flaw (SHADOW and later the AW connection), Longs for a stable life. Exhibits unwavering loyalty to his friends (however few he may have), Embraces his individualism (no matter how much he may dispise it) because it gives him his power and through it his life.
*NOT FINSIHED WILL UPDATE*

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Though on the 27th of May

Well today was a different day, not just from the events that happened but also from the mindsets of me and other people.

Tuned To A Different Station

Say hello man you know she's great
I do all that I can though I somnambulate
I'm alright
I've been governed by a lover that I never could alter
Convinced I'd discover a new world order of light
It goes dark
I suffer from a lack of concentration (I just can't seem to concentrate)
Still got faith in my generation (I hope you're coming and won't be late)
My brain's just tuned to a different station (my brain's all tuned to a different state)
And I miss you
Say hello man you know she's great
I do all that I can though I somnambulate
I'm alright
I got something over here
Something over there
Oh it's lucky we can breathe 'cause there's something in the air tonight
It goes dark
I suffer from a lack of concentration (I just can't seem to concentrate)
Still got faith in my generation (I hope you're coming and won't be late)
My brain's just tuned to a different station (my brain's all tuned to a different state)
And I miss you...
Oh I miss you...
How I miss you...

Well my classes in school are getting either easier or harder (such is the way of the end of school) and I am sad that it is ending, for the first time in my life I actually feel sadness along with the happiness that accompanies the end of the school year....well I guess that's what happens when you become more involved in social things and lose the catalyst that quickens these events.
Well looks like Big Papa's (a tasty pizzeria!) is on for the end of the school year! Every year my friends and I head there to hang out before the summer begins. We used to head over to Trader Planet after that (a place that was a nerds paradise basically lol) but it closed up last summer....*sniff*....I'm sad now......

After a long and careful deliberations (with myself)I have decided the split my book into a trilogy because there are so many new plot lines that I have added and I didn't want a bibles worth of pages lol. (why is it always a trilogy?)
I have so much more to write, characters to make/remake, characters to kill (sorry Martha), SHADOW theory to explore, and a whole lot more! Hopefully coming to a book shelf near you soon!....or ever!

Well I'll expand on that later, right now I've got to get off and start to get ready for tomorrow.

-This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Napsta
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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Long and Eventful 1000 miles

Well Saturday I got up early (very early) got packed and such and headed up North! Lol, I went with my family up to visit my dads side of the family up in Decalb, TX (near the Arkansas border, so it's about a 6-8 hour ride)
Well we hit the road and I actually take a nice nap, read some books, replay some FFI (I'm trying to actually finish all of it this time lol then move on to FFII), watch some BSG (The Pegasus is gone NOOO!!!!!! That ship was B.A. in the extreme!), watch the opener of Caprica (Looks good if I do say so myself, look it up online if you want to find out more, yes the beginning is freaky/confusing), and listen to some amazing music (I'll get to that on another post) on my Ipod.
After 6.5 hours, 3 tacos, and 32 oz of Mountain Dew later we arrive at a church that is hold my Great Aunts 50th Anniversary dinner (50 years.....hard to imagine me being that lucky....). The dinner was nice and everyone within the immediate family went over to my Aunts house where we play domino's and Wii (which no one could best me at!). The night was pretty fun until an unexpected problem pops up (I shall not discuss it without the other persons opinion, and I doubt that this person will want it revealed anytime soon) man I was worried....stupid "I want to try everything spirit, I can't wait for that to die down some.
Well the next day was more family stuff but I did get to do something that I wasn't expecting.....I got to see Terminator: Salvation! It was action packed! I'll admit that it wasn't StarTrek good but it was still worth seeing in my opinion. I also got to hang out with my Uncle Jack and if you think I'm sarcastic and (slightly) funny, wait until you meet him! He actually reminds me of my dad, except he talk more....alot more.
The last day was alright, I had bacon for breakfast so that's a plus! (and with Gravy......uuhhh...delicious!) and my mom said that we were going to get a Wii....that's great, I would love to get a new system....but a Wii? I would prefer a 360 because it has game more suited for my father and I, such as Mass Effect, Halo 3, the CoD's, and many others (as compared to SSBB and a select few for the Wii) but that's a conversation for another time.
Well after about 8 hours we get back to Schertz.....and back to school.....*sigh* it's almost over...that is a good thing as well as a bad as I only have one more year to do everything I want to in high school and hang with friends that I won't see after we graduate....Oh well I'll try to live what I can for now.

Well my sister needs to get on for more "Homework"......sure you do Kristen....

-This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Napsta

Saturday, May 23, 2009

2nd Mega-Post

Well it's been a few day (thanks to my sister discovering the wonders of the Internet) and I am righting this from my aunts house in Decalb, TX.

Wednesday, the 20th of May
(Just to clear up some stuff, I can't discuss the questions on the multiple choice or the essays so this will seem vague)
This day came hard in all of its fury and stress. This day was the day of both my AP U.S. History Test as well as my AP English Language and Composition Test.....oh what joy. The APUSH was the easiest for me since I am "The Man" when it comes to history (yes that is a gloat but also a fact). I answered almost all of the multiple questions (and I assume that I answered most, if not all correctly, I only skipped 3) and answered all 3 of the essays in 6 collective papers. So for my history I believe I got a 3 or higher, like the AP World History test.
But the APELC ......not as sure. I didn't do as many of the multiple choices but I did only answer the ones I was sure on, so that's a plus. The essays on the other hand......I answered all 3 but just over a page for each one. But I'll be lucky if I even get a 3 for my score (the lowest score that is accepted as college credit), Oh well if I don't make it I always have next year.
After the test I was worn out. I could barely put my thoughts together, my hand was cramped so bad that I couldn't move my hand for the next ten minutes. Despite it all though, I welcomed the mind set I had to force myself into: I shut everything out, my dreams, my major plan that I have codenamed "Valley Forge" (ever the history nerd am I), my life, and Tia (these last two were very much needed to shut out, and I swear I worry to much about her, but she's like a little sister to me and someone's got to be her conscience lol) and it was much needed, even I must admit that I need a break.
I don't remember much after that, my mind was to fracked up. I did however start helping out my neighbors (who moved away before the seventh grade) by taking care of their yard, all 2.4 square acres of land and all of the leaves that come with it....so so many leafs they appear as an ocean to me.
Working around there brings back memories of my first friend (not to mention Best friend) that I made down here.....her name was Kirsten Jacobson, she was in my 4th grade class (the same class that my current best friend was in actually, coincidence!) and was one of the best people that I've ever known. We always competed for the prizes that were given away if we got a 100 on the math sheet given to the class right before we got out of school.
We always worked on them together on the bus (we rode the same one) and I actually remember her and I purposely messing up some answer just because we didn't want the other to get the prize lol.....I miss her...

Thursday, the 21st of May
This day was pretty normal until that night. School was normal and alright......somewhat....but I'll get into the other stuff later. After school I went straight home, took a shower, rushed to pick up Kevin and then Mark (boy was Kevin surprised when Mark walked out in his kilt), then we headed to the Theater banquet. So we get on base and find the place hosting it, and the first thing we see is Kat throwing out water and saying that we have live fish on the table.....weird.....well after a lot of pictures by Sabrina and others, we meet everyone else and take our seats.
Now Mark and I decided earlier in the day that we were going to pull a prank on Tia by telling her that Mark had something else to go to (which in truth he did, but he decided to go to this instead) and he had told Tia he might not be there and then I told her that he won't be there to solidify the idea (He also told me that he couldn't go, see Tia, I didn't lie) well we wait for her to come and when she does (Of course she shows up late lol) I see her in the dress that she had been bragging about the days before and I forgot about the prank that I was working so hard to fulfill, She looked amazing, I actually had to remind myself that Calvin was the one the one she wanted and that I was suppose to be over her.......that's a laugh...anyways, I helped to distract her while Mark was suppose to sneak up behind her and surprise her, which he did so well that she turned around and said "Mark!?", her face was surprised and happy then it switched as suddenly as it appeared into anger, she punched him in the stomach and yelled "Don't do that again!" lol it was great.
Well the dinner was delicious and we got to the awards. I got best flop! (YES!), best on stage couple (with Tia (I realized God uses dark humor too)), and I got Best Actor....which I'm not sure that I deserve that title, no matter how many awards I get for it.....
Well the senior wills where great as well, same with Marks story (nice one man). Then it was time to head home (lol Tia eventually found her car) and I dropped off Mark and then headed to drop of Kevin, why is it that I always have a talk about emotions (usually his) whenever he is in the car? And I didn't get home until around Ten o'clock, went to bed and wept until I went to sleep.

Friday, the 22nd of May
This day was actually quite lax and very uneventful until the evening. We played the show music for next year, which I'm glad that it sounds cool (unlike the last few years.....), in history we watched "Remember the Titans", the next periods had nothing important/different in them.
This day would happen to be the day of the Band Banquet which I didn't want to go to in the first place, though now I'm glad I did, but my sister wanted to go and I am her "bus boy". So it ends up that my sister isn't ready and I have to go without her (my mother was just going to go for the dinner, so she would drop her off and I would bring her home). So I get there and sit with Andrew/his family, Joe, Courtney, Daniel and others, eat a tasty meal, and start to head over to go to the awards ceremony (my mother comes up to me and tells me she's leaving and that she wants us home by 10 because we are traveling tomorrow) so I head to the ceremony (I actually got an award for something, and I was in the PowerPoint quite a few times) and it doesn't end until 10:15. I give my phone to my sister to call mom to ask if she could stay for the dance that was held afterward, so she calls and then heads to the dance, which I assumed meant that she had convinced mom to let her to stay......yeah about that.....
Well, after the ceremony I take a few pictures with Andrew for his parents and then, after a short discussion, the gang (everyone mentioned about in name) head to the dance. Now as many people know: I don't dance. Everybody else in the group (excluding Andrew) does. I almost forgot to mention something else that made me.....emotional (many emotions actually) that night........and I'm going to assume that everyone reading this has the information in order to guess what caused this influx.....well I got to hang out with my friends and watch some people (not you Joe) make a fool out of themselves.
Well I decide that my sister and I should head back so we aren't useless whenever we wake up early to head out. So I head over to my sister and tell her that we're heading out at 11:30 (so we're at least home by midnight) so it gets to 11:30, I tell my sister again that we are about to leave, say goodbye to my friends (I was to.....scared? to talk to Tia, she was having such a good time that I didn't want to sour it any), and I head out to my car with my sister behind me, or so I thought.
I get out to the car and start it up when I realize that my sister isn't behind me......yeah....so skip the next 20 minutes and then when the party done she decides to head out.....I swear one of these days I'm going to just drive off and let her find her own way home.... well one the way home she starts to get very arrogant and full of herself (sounds familiar....hhmmmm...) and when we get home, she turns on the computer, 12 o'clock at night and she turns on the computer! Well we get into an argument about the ethics of what she was doing and we wake the beast (our mother) who proceeds to ask why we are up late and finds out that we just got home.....and says that we weren't suppose to go to the dance....contrary to what my sister told me....She lied to both me and my mother....well my mother didn't take to kindly to that and says she can't got to prom with Katy and Jovanna. Oh what a nice way to end my day....

Well that's my collective 3 days, very eventful if I do say myself. I'll post my other days since then in other post.

-This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the Napsta
Done at 7:24 P.M. Tuesday, the 26th of May

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The First of Many Wars.....

Broken by the power of a clenched fist,
Desires and blood now flow in the palm of my hand...

Well my last day of fasting was today. And I feel much better though, I can't help but feel that I destroyed a part of myself (as sung in the lines above) but then again maybe what I need to do is just take steps back to were I was before last summer. Though, I don't know if I can go back now that I've had a taste of what could be (Oh, I now respect your position Mark, and at least understand your fear of taking one step).
I've got to hand it to both Joe and Tia, music is much more of a powerful emotional carrier than I thought. I listen to my entire library (not much by some standards just about 7.4 Gb) but listening to Queen, Toshihiko Sahashi, Koji Kondo, Chicago, Tommy Tallarico, John Williams, and so many others kept my blood moving.

Well today was alright, not much to talk about though we do have the APUSH and APEWC test tomorrow. That's about let's see....oh....7 hours of testing which includes a total of 120 questions and 6 essays! UGH!

Well I'm going to cut this one short, I'm to emotionally worn out.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

1st day of "Fasting"

Due to my overwhelming need to rebuild my self (I shall use examples and phrases related with City-States in order to paint a more vivid picture in order to clarify what I am doing), I have decided to break off as much contact as I can to Tia for the time being until I can exterminate every romantic feeling that threatens to overthrow my sanity and realistic views, and be able to rebuild my walls to thwart any outside attempt from these feeling to seize me again.

Today was an alright day. I did some work outside and on my car, went over to Kevin S.'s house and played some CoD4 and GoW2 with him and David (I felt a great satisfaction with blowing them and numerous Locust to pieces before my feet, It just felt good to control something in my life again), came home and ate a tasty supper. I also did a stupid thing (I seemed to do those alot today) and deleted my music library on my Ipod. Now this wouldn't be so bad if some of my favorite music wasn't on my computer......*sigh*....but I was able to re-vamp my library, update it, and create a compression software (thank you cheap apple programing) that saved me 345 Mb of space on my drive for it wOOt!

My first day of Fasting (I shall call it that because that is exactly what I am doing to her) went well for the first day. Without me talking to her I was able to punch through and exterminate some memories that had been reinforcing the idea of "Love" for her, therefor gaining me one step closer to total rule over my emotions (something I haven't had since Raechel opened up to me that one fateful day....). I can only hope that I will be able to consolidate my hold further over the next few days (oh how I hope that it will take only that long), and maybe just maybe to the point were I can facilitate communications once again without that fear I won't be able to hold my own against the powerful emotions that I feel for her now.

Here I Am
There's movement in the distance,
These baits are what I hear, Corruption, greed and feud are all I see.
I'm all in a disarray ,
Things used to be a different way, Whatever happened to the golden age?
It's gone yeah it's gone away
So don't ever turn your back again! (one false move and we're all dead!)

Here I am
I'm back at the crossroads again
Oh, let me stand let me stand let me stand
On top of the mountain again

There's movement in the distance
These baits are what I hear, This petty resistance is all I see
I want to walk away
Remember better days, We watch the death of something beautiful....
It's gone yeah it's gone away
So don't ever turn your back again! (one false move and we're all dead!)

Here I am
Here I am
I'm back at the crossroads again
Oh, let me stand let me stand let me stand
On top of the mountain again

When we find a problem
We should never look back and say
"One chance, one moment"
It's gone so easily!

Here I am
Here I am
Here I am
I'm back at the crossroads again
Oh, let me stand let me stand let me stand
On top of the mountain again

Saturday, May 16, 2009

1st Mega-Post

Well today is my "Independence Day". It's the day I have been despising and wanting. It's the day that I am freed but at a price that I never wanted to pay. But it has not brought the relief that I had prayed it would. I feel like a country that won the war, but is so ruined physically, mentally, and psychologically, that I might as well lost it. I'm basically a war-ravaged and ruined country that's to exhausted to rebuild itself to its former glory.

On a brighter note, I've figured out what fuels the fires of my muse: Despair. This may sound emo but it's not meant to be. I've almost finish my ESSSSOC II post, written 6 more pages for my books (yes I said books, I'll explain later into the post) and wrote some other things for the cause of this "despair". And this has helped clarify my sadness, or at least, it's helped to sooth me.

Just tonight
I was scared but once I thought about, I let it go
Everything she said to me I guess I ought to know
We're all tired talk when it comes to shove
Put up, put out or stay at home.
We'll never be the same, never feel this way again
I'd give you anything but you want pain.
A little water please, I taste you all over my teeth
Never again. Just tonight? Ok
All at once the music stopped, the feeling went away
An ugly picture, me and you, but nothing I can change
You know what happens with the lights back on
The less you know the more you want, you want, you want
We'll never be the same, never feel this way again
I'd give you anything but you want pain.
A little water please, I taste you all over my teeth
Never again. Just tonight? Ok

I just feel so tired of it all......I've tried to escape it so that I can face the prospects of rebuilding but I can't seem to get away, it always comes back screaming for me. What's worse is that I can feel another war for my soul building. Hope will always creep back in to fight Despair, and Despair will always creep back in to fight Hope. They both appeal so much at opposite times that I'm starting to lose faith in both, but then what else is there to go for? Love? No, I'm done with love for now. True it did bring some of the greatest moment that I can remember, but it's brought me into, what seems like, an Abysmal situation. Hate? No, I've seen what hate will turn people into. No matter how appealing its call is to me, I will not be that monster again. NEVER AGAIN. What else is there?
I need a cause to devote myself to know that I've killed mine. Maybe I should just put up a sign that says "Cause Wanted", then again, maybe they would be to afraid because I killed the last one......*sigh*. I've contemplated band as my cause, but I'm not sure I want to give my all to band and have it stepped on and thrown around again. Theater would be a good choice, but then again, theater was the catalyst for my pain right now. I could go with the "job" I have now (can't get into specifics. Maybe that summer job that my parents have forced me into will do me some good here......

Well on another bright note, I went to the Belles spring show and I've got to say that I enjoyed it. I went because I got caught in a verbal trap (lol) between my good friend Raechel and Tia (I'll get into that story another time). It was actually a mix of dances from the Belles, Golden Stars, Belles "bodygaurds" (I never knew that vincent could dance in parachut pants, who knew?), hiphop dance crews, and Hali, who is another friend of mine, singing (great I might add).

Well I'm going to be heading off, SNL is on, and I'm starting to get emotional again.

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